How to spot a stripper in public

This is a task that one may think is easy but really isnt. But fortunetly for you there are a few key giveaways. Some of these youve heard of and others you may be suprised. The main focus of this blog is to show you how to distinguish just a typical slutty girl from a stripper in public. Here are a few simple rules that must be followed before classifing one as a sip (stripper in public) to avoid embarassment.

#1. Just because she paid in dollar bills dosent mean shes a stripper. Ya gotta remember there is a plethera of good looking females that are also waitresses. To use this method as a solid factor in identifing a SIP you must get a good look at the money. If the money is wrinkly than she might be a stripper but still be cautious. At this point try to casualy look into her purse. This could be a risky manuever but if pulled off correctly could identify the target as a SIP. If inside the purse is just an array of ones and twenties this is an immediate give away as an SIP and your profiling is over congrats. (twenties is always the key factor no one tips a waitress in twenties).

#2 Six inch stilletos not as much of a giveaway as one may think. Anyone who dosent spend much time in a strip club will assume that six inch heels are only for strippers. NOT TRUE! Theses heels here forward refered to as CFMH (come fuck me heels) are also worn by women of all walks of life. One may wear them to work in order to tighten the buns ( so her boss gives her a promotion) or just to look like a slut ( yes occasionally women want to look like sluts even i dont know why). The key give away for a SIP wearing CFMH is all in the style and timing. First if your at a gas station at 2 am theres a women buying menthol cigarettes and wearing any form of CFMH than you have all the rights to assume such individual is a SIP. Another key give away is if the CFMH are clear. If this is the case there is no doubt left and you have no reason to use any other identifing factors. Finally if she is wearing CFMH with short shorts and leg warmers target is definetly a stripper. (mostly bc its not 1985)

#3 SHORT SHORTS DO NOT MAKE A FEMALE A STRIPPER! If target is wearing short shorts you must use other identifing factors to assume she is a SIP.

Please remember these guidelines before identifying one as a SIP. This is a skilled that can be learned and honed. But there is one last thing you may resort to if you are still unsure, ask! If shes under 25 and displaying any of these signs ide bet my bottom dollar shell tell you she is.

If you give a stripper a dollar

Ok so this is based on the childhood favorite "If You Give A Mouse a Cookie". I thought there was already a story like this but i quess i was wrong. Hope ya enjoy!

If ya give a stipper a dollar, shes gonna want a dance
If ya give a stripper a dance shes gonna ask you if you want 6 more.
If you get six more your gonna have to visit the atm.
If you visit the atm your wife is gonna see the clubs name on the statement.
If your wife sees the clubs name on the statement shes gonna want a divorce.
If you get a divorce than shes gonna take the kids.
If she takes the kids your gonna have to pay child support.
If you have to pay child support your not gonna be able to pay the mortgage.
If you cant pay the mortgage your gonna be homeless.
If your homeless youll have to move in with your mom.
If you move in with your mom your never gonna get laid.
If you never get laid your gonna wanna visit the strip club.
If you visit the strip club your gonna give a stripper a dollar.
This time youve got nothing to lose ;)

moral of the story dont give a stripper a dollar unless of course you already live with your mom! Than ya got nothin to lose!

Stripclubs for dummies

So you and your buddies wanna go out on a Saturday night. Your sick and tired of the same old meet markets and local bars and are hem hawing about where to go. Then outta the back seat you hear I KNOW WHERE THERES ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL LADIES!!! LETS GO TO THE TITTIE BAR!!! First off that buddy is an idiot and you should probobly throw him from the car immediatly (i will explain in the later part of this blog). So you pull into your finest local gentlemans club. You park and walk up to the door where your greated with your first obstacle the door man. The door man is a rare breed that range from the muscle bound meat heads to the scrawny but over egotistical. These guys are not your friends and limitied contact is advised. This is also the first time you relize that this was not only a good idea but its also gonna be an expensive night,this relization comes when the doorman proudly announces 5 bucks a piece gentlemen.... Grrrr you pay it. Total spent on the night $5 and you still dont have a drink. But there is good news! You see a seat in the back where its kinda dark a good place to have a couple beers and get outta there. But of course your buddy spots a seat directly next to the stage.... reluctantly you follow. This is where your second obstacle is presented to you... the waitress. Unlike the door men the waitress has to be nice to you and could be your friend. Shes a cute girl wearing just a little more than most of the dancers. ADVICE: Tip them well and all will be good poor tiping could reasult in ending up with a condition called SOBRIETY and noone wants that. She asks what youll have and of course you order a beer. She returns and says $5 a piece guys. WTF is up with this place and $5 grrrr you give her $6 and she goes about her way. Total spent on the night $11 and only one drink in. This is when you experiance the most dangerous of all the creatures in this place.... the stripper. Although beautiful ( in most cases) they can be exceptionaly dangerous. Follow these percautions when coming in contact with one, Avoid showing them how much money you have or you will end up with none, Dont comment on her c section scar thats just not polite and the most improtant NEVER look them directly in the eye. Word is that the older ones can actully drain money from your ATM/Debit card just with a steady amount of eye contact. As you sip your bear miliking it in fear of having to pay five dollars for another, your buddy suddenly dissappears. The dancer is also missing. This is not a time to panic, there is nothing you can do for your buddy at this point hes fallen prey. You begin to survey the crowd when you see the waitress you panic relizing that your low on beer you try not to make eye contact but its too late. She walks to your table says 4 bud lights right? You quickly respond with no were still good, at that moment she points to the sign saying " PATRONS MUST PURCHASE A DRINK EVERY HALF HOUR". You reluctantly ablige and give her six more dollars. Total spent $16 2 beers in... You then relize your buddys still missing, sadly your not worried just kinda mad that he got out of payin for another beer. Not to worry hes payin for it in the back. Feelin a little more comfortable you loosen up and relize a good looking blonde on stage. You pull out a dollar bill and stand at the edge of the stage. She walks down to you bends down and you get a full booby barrage. You put your hand on the back of the dancers leg (mostly because shes wearing so much perfume between them things you think your gonna faint and needed something to hold on to). You feel a hand on your shoulder, spin around in hopes its your buddy that dissappeard nearly and hr ago, its the door man that pulls you aside and says next time you touch one of my dancers your out.....kinda drastic but you applogize and take a seat. Quess whos waiting at your table THE WAITRESS! You order another knowing that its inevitable and decide to also get a shot. The waitress comes back and say $13. You say ooo im just paying for mine not theres to, she replies with I know and a smile. You give her 15 and pray that this is the best shot youve ever had. Total spent $30 3 beers 1 shot. At this point you decide to stop bein a cheap wad and decide its time to get drunk. Btw your buddys still missing naturally worry sets in but just relax as long as hes got a steady flow of cash no harm will be done to him. This time you catch the waitress and decide to switch it up with a mixed drink and another shot. She returns and says $18 you give her twenty. Total spent $50 3 beers 1 drink and 2 shots. The dancer you had tipped comes over and sits with you. You strike up a conversation and break the eye contact rule... im sorry friend its all over now. You buy her and yourself another drink.. another 20 bucks $70 bucks in the hole. Another drink for you and yourself $90. Another with a shot chaser for both $130 bucks. This is when a slight burr sets in. You find yourself walking into the back room. You see your buddy with his belt around his head. Funny thing his hes sober... o well. You find a seat on a couch. You decide on getting another drink and a couple shots for you and your new lady friend. This time you just give the waitress your card and say lets just do a tab. The lapdance begin, the shots keep coming. The blurr is now a thick fog. The next thing you remember is waking up passed out in your fridge holding and entire ham. You compose your self go to the bathroom. look in the mirror and your covered with sparkles and smell of the new scent from brittany spears. You reach in your pocket find a small piece of paper. On the front the damages for the night you examine holding your breathe total- $1250 tip- gdsersfds wtf that dosent even make any sense whatever. You flip it over a phone number with the name Jazzy next to it you smile, and decided it was the best 1250 dollar night youve spent in your entire life!